Don't Let Him Win!

Horsemanship Isn’t About Winning or Losing

I often hear people say, “I can’t let the horse win.”

Usually, it’s said when a horse resists, hesitates, or says “no” to something we’ve asked. The fear is that if we don’t push through, we’re somehow losing control—or teaching the horse they can “get away with” something.

But here’s the truth: I’m not here to compete against my horse. We’re not opponents.

We’re teammates.

If my horse “loses” because I’ve overpowered them into compliance, I’ve lost too—because trust, confidence, and willingness have taken a hit.

If my horse “wins” because they’ve found a way to get their needs met, feel safe, and stay engaged with me, then I’ve won too—because the partnership is stronger.

True horsemanship isn’t about dominating or outsmarting. It’s about listening and problem-solving together.

If my horse says “no,” I want to know why. Are they uncomfortable? Confused? Afraid? Lacking the skills or strength to do what I’m asking? When I take the time to figure that out and adjust, we both benefit.

Horses don’t keep score the way people do. They remember how they feel in our presence. If we create experiences where they feel safe, understood, and successful, they’ll keep showing up ready to try.

So I’ve stopped thinking in terms of “winning” or “losing.” My measure of success is this:

• Did we communicate clearly?

• Did we understand each other better?

• Did we leave the interaction with trust intact—or even stronger?

Because at the end of the day, it’s not me vs. my horse. It’s me and my horse vs. the challenge in front of us. And when we solve it together, everybody wins.