You Belong Here
How R+ Communities Can Embrace Learners at Every Stage of the Journey
In recent years, the rise of positive reinforcement (R+) training has ushered in a refreshing wave of compassion, communication, and cooperation in the horse world. For many, it represents a paradigm shift: one that values autonomy, choice, and welfare for the horse above all. But for newcomers dipping their toes into this world, the first steps can be daunting. Unfortunately, many report feeling judged, discouraged, or dismissed by members of the very community that claims to promote kindness, patience, and ethical interaction.
This essay explores why this disconnect exists, the psychological and social dynamics that fuel it, and most importantly how we, as advocates of R+, can foster a more inclusive and supportive environment for both horses and humans. If our goal is to create a culture rooted in empathy, it must extend beyond the horses to the people who care for them.
When R+ Isn’t Very Positive
Many equestrians start exploring R+ with hope and curiosity, fueled by a desire to do better, eager to connect more deeply with their horses. But upon sharing their first attempts online, some are met with comments like, "That’s not real R+," or worse, accusations of being unethical because they still use tools like bits or rope halters or because they still use pressure and release and have not completely given up traditional practices.
Instead of feeling encouraged, these individuals may feel humiliated or alienated. They might question whether they belong in the R+ space at all. They’re less likely to ask new questions or share publicly. Some give up entirely, retreating to the comfort of the methods they know. These outcomes are all deeply counterproductive to the broader goals of ethical horsemanship and equine welfare.
Why This Happens – Psychology and Social Identity in Niche Communities
To understand this dynamic, we have to explore the psychology and sociology behind community behavior. Remember, most of this happens on a subconscious level:
Social Identity and In-Group Bias
As people adopt R+ training, it often becomes part of their identity. They may feel pride in choosing a kinder path and see themselves as part of a more ethical, enlightened group. Social identity theory tells us that people naturally categorize themselves and others into groups (in-groups and out-groups) to help understand social environments. While this helps build community, it can also lead to exclusionary thinking. Newcomers who still "have a foot in the old world" can be perceived as threatening to group values and consistency.Moral Intensity and Ethical Urgency
When people believe their choices have moral weight, as most of us do in R+ communities, they often feel a strong emotional investment. This is magnified by what psychologists call moral intensity: the degree to which an issue is perceived as urgent, important, and ethically significant. The more morally intense an issue feels, the more likely people are to react strongly to perceived violations. Unfortunately, that means our passion can override our empathy, especially when delivered through the impersonal medium of social media.Online Disinhibition Effect
Online communication often lacks the social cues that guide in-person interactions. Without body language or tone of voice, even criticism intended to be constructive can come across as harsh or cruel. The anonymity and distance afforded by online platforms can also lead to what's called the online disinhibition effect, where people express themselves more bluntly or aggressively than they would face-to-face. This can make beginners feel under attack, even when the intention is to educate.Cognitive Dissonance and Fear of Regression
Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort we feel when our beliefs or values do not align with our actions. Smokers, for example, might modify their beliefs about smoking or trivialize its risks to reduce this discomfort. In the context of R+, people may experience cognitive dissonance when they recall their own use of coercive or aversive methods that now contradict their values of kindness and autonomy for horses. Rather than process this discomfort through self-reflection, some may project it outward—targeting those who still use methods they have since rejected. Seeing someone perform a behavior that resembles one’s own "old self" can unconsciously trigger guilt and shame. If those feelings remain unresolved, they can manifest as criticism, dismissal, or even hostility. Rather than recognizing the shared humanity of a fellow learner, they position themselves above them to restore their own moral alignment.Moral Licensing and Virtue Signaling
In some cases, individuals who identify strongly with ethical training methods may fall into the trap of moral licensing: feeling justified in being unkind to humans because they believe they are being exceptionally kind to animals. This can sometimes be accompanied by virtue signaling: publicly demonstrating one's moral righteousness in order to gain social approval. While the desire to do right by horses is admirable, when it's performed at the expense of human kindness, the message becomes muddled.
The Power of the First Step
Every journey begins somewhere. In horsemanship, that first step might be offering a treat after a correction. It might be observing body language more closely, or choosing to wait instead of quickly escalating pressure. These changes may seem small to seasoned R+ trainers, but they represent seismic shifts in mindset for those raised in traditional systems.
Rather than demanding perfection from the outset, we must recognize and honor the bravery it takes to try something new. Most of us did not begin our journey fully informed or ideologically pure. Most of us grew up in traditional horsemanship systems and have done plenty of things to horses we now consider unethical. We evolved gradually, through trial, error, and mentorship. The same grace that gave us space to grow should be extended to newcomers, too.
How Judgment Discourages Change
Shame Blocks Learning
Neuroscience tells us that learning requires safety. When people feel shamed or attacked, the brain shifts into self-protection. This shuts down curiosity, reflection, and openness… exactly the tools needed to grow.Fear Promotes Defensiveness, Not Openness
A beginner who is told they are unethical or wrong is more likely to become defensive than introspective. They may double down on old methods simply to protect their ego.Discouragement Stops Progress
If early attempts at R+ are met with criticism rather than encouragement, people may feel it’s "not worth it." They might conclude that R+ is only for purists or that they’ll never be good enough to belong - they may not want to belong to such a critical community, either.Community Tone Sets the Bar
Newcomers take emotional and social cues from the tone of the community. If the culture is welcoming, they are more likely to stay, learn, and help welcome other newcomers. If the culture feels judgmental or elitist, they may assume they aren't welcome or wanted or they might become more judgmental, too.
Building a More Supportive R+ Community
Embrace the Concept of Approximation for Humans: Meet people where they are. Reinforce small steps. Celebrate progress, however imperfect.
Assume Good Intent: Most people asking questions or sharing their stories want to do right by their horses. If they’re looking into R+ at all, it’s because they’re trying to do better. They lack knowledge, not compassion.
Model R+ in Our Communication: Be clear, consistent, kind, and reinforcing. Offer choices, acknowledge effort, and provide information without judgement.
Normalize the Learning Curve: Share your own learning process, including missteps. Vulnerability breeds connection. New learners need to feel safe to make mistakes because mistakes are inevitable.
Gently Educate, Don’t Lecture: Try asking, “Have you ever tried this?” or “Would you be open to another idea?” Avoid moralizing. Framing your input as a shared exploration rather than a correction invites curiosity instead of defensiveness and helps the learner feel safe enough to stay engaged.
Create Safe Learning Spaces: Support forums where beginners are explicitly welcomed and kindness is expected.
Praise Progress Publicly, Correct Privately: Public praise motivates. Public shaming silences.
Encourage Mentorship: Pair newcomers with more experienced practitioners who can guide without intimidating.
Address Gatekeeping Directly: Communities should be moderated to uphold inclusive, respectful interactions.
Foster Interdisciplinary Respect: Build bridges between traditional horsemanship and R+ through dialogue and empathy.
Why Kindness to Humans Helps Horses
It’s easy to center our compassion on the horse. After all, they’re the ones most vulnerable in our interactions. But what’s often overlooked is how deeply the wellbeing of horses is tied to the emotional environment surrounding the humans who care for them.
A person who feels emotionally safe, seen, and encouraged is far more likely to stay on the path of positive reinforcement long enough to truly develop their skills. The early stages of learning anything new can be filled with uncertainty, missteps, and doubt. If someone is met with criticism or exclusion, it becomes much easier to retreat to the safety of old habits or abandon the new approach altogether. If they’re met with warmth and constructive support, they’re more likely to continue experimenting, refining, and growing in their practice. That perseverance is what ultimately leads to meaningful change for the horse.
Supportive environments also empower people to share their experiences more openly. When someone feels welcomed into a community, they are more inclined to talk about their learning process, post their progress, and invite others to try new approaches, too. In this way, the positive reinforcement philosophy begins to spread - not just through professional channels, but organically, peer to peer, barn to barn. A single supported learner has the power to influence dozens of others simply by modeling an ethical, evolving relationship with their horse.
Kindness also creates space for honesty. A person who does not fear ridicule or rejection is much more likely to ask questions when they get stuck, admit when something isn’t working, or seek help rather than struggle alone. This kind of transparency is essential in a training model that values nuance, observation, and responsiveness. Without the freedom to reflect openly, the depth and quality of learning can stall.
Many people who begin exploring positive reinforcement assume that if they struggle, it means R+ “doesn’t work” - especially if early attempts result in confusion, frustration, or behaviors they didn’t expect. But in most cases, the issue isn’t the method, it’s simply that they’re new and still developing the skills needed to use it effectively. Like any form of horsemanship, R+ requires timing, observation, emotional regulation, and clear communication, all of which take time and guidance to master. Unfortunately, when beginners don’t have easy access to safe, supportive avenues for asking questions or receiving mentorship they may interpret early setbacks as proof that R+ doesn’t work or just isn’t for them, leading them to give up before they've had a real chance to succeed.
Ultimately, the ripple effect is real. Every person who feels empowered to embrace more compassionate horsemanship practices brings that energy into their barn, their community, and their future relationships with horses. They influence their peers, their trainers, their clients—and, in many cases, the next generation of horse people.
So while the horse may be the one receiving the click, the cue, and the reinforcer, it’s the human learner who decides whether that moment happens at all. When we choose to support that learner with empathy and grace, we’re investing in a better world for every horse that person touches.
Build the Bridge, Don’t Burn It
The movement toward ethical, horse-centered training is powerful and growing. But if we want R+ to become more than a niche practice, we must ensure it is accessible, inclusive, and welcoming. That means being as kind to people as we are to the horses we champion.
Perfection is not the price of entry. Curiosity, humility, and a desire to learn should be enough.
So the next time someone shares their first target-training video, or asks, “Is it okay if I still use a rope halter?”, meet them with warmth. Cheer them on. Offer guidance, not guilt.
As an educator, part of my mission is to create more inclusive communities and supportive containers for learning. Spaces where people are truly met where they’re at, without judgment. Growth happens when curiosity is welcomed and mistakes are seen as stepping stones. If you're ready to explore positive reinforcement in a way that blends ethical training, equine biomechanics, and emotional wellbeing (no previous R+ experience required) I invite you to join my deep-dive coaching program, Sound Horse Academy. It’s a space designed not only for horse transformation, but human transformation and community building, too.
Not ready to dive into an intensive program? Start with my free courses instead!
Let’s be the reason someone takes their next step, not the reason they turn back.